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| after our "baby" dedication for all three boys on Aug 12, one year after surgery... a joyous day! |
We have come so far and yet we still have so far to go. It
has been one year since we walked out of the hospital after two months of
waiting. Waiting for the diagnosis, waiting for the surgery, waiting for Levi
to stabilize, waiting for him to recover…and in this we are still waiting. I do
not want to be ungrateful for the miracle that is Levi’s life. If you saw him
most likely at first, second and third glance you would have no clue that there
was anything abnormal about him. He looks and acts like a typical 3 year old.
And yet as you watch him you would see how there was something a bit different.
He has a bit of a limp in one leg, when he runs one side of his body seems
tight, and he can’t keep up with the other kids. When you look into his
beautiful blue eyes, it may seem that one eye is not tracking quite right. You
may think it is just a lazy eye thing, correctable with some eye patching a
maybe a surgery. What you would not know, what we do not know fully, is that he
sees poorly out of that eye, and that everyday his parents battle to patch his
eye, not even with the goal of regaining vision but simply to save the eye from
being shut down by the body. You would not see the struggles of having 3 year
old who is a long way off from potty training because his body is unable to
regulate itself on its own without extra hormones. You would not see the big
brother who loves Levi dearly, but hates having to be dragged around to all his
appointments and therapies, and wishes that he didn't have to patch anymore. A
big brother who has already talked about when his brother will be at the same
school so that he can make sure that nobody pushes him. It breaks the heart of
a parent to know that kids are cruel and that Levi will be made fun of and that
his big brother will be his defender…in all this I look at Levi. I look into
the sweet soul God has given him, his warm heart, his engaging spirit and of
all my kids I know that God has given him the ability to handle these and the
many more struggles that will hit his life.
The journey this past year has been one that has brought our
family closer together. In many ways it is the grace of God that our daily
struggles have not driven us apart. It ain’t easy to say the least, yet as we
have hit rough patches along the way, our family and friends have been there to
support us. More than that though is the truth of who God is, what it means to
live by faith, has become a reality for our lives. This last week we sung the
chorus of this song at the end of church and it spoke to both Kara and I. As I
have since listened to and read the lyrics, the song is the story of our year.
We are on the top of a major mountain and we can look back at really how far we
have come and see God’s footprints along the way. Yet as we look forward, we do
not necessarily see a lush valley below us. When you climb to the top of Half
Dome, you accomplish something great, but looking East you see that you are
just at the beginning of the journey, for there is plenty of rugged terrain
ahead, many more peaks to climb. I won’t go into a commentary on this entire
song, but believe me when I say, every line speaks to our story and God’s
goodness in our lives, for never once did we ever walk alone. God is faithful
in all things.
Matt Redman - NeverOnce, New Album - 10,000 reasons, Year: 2011 (Click here to hear the song)
Standing on this mountaintop
Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Is Your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You were with us
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Is Your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
So as we do life outside of the appointments, the therapy,
the hours of eye patching each day, we are seeking to give Levi a normal life
and get him involved in normal activities. It is easy to allow his disabilities
to define him, because as his parent we want to defend our child from peoples
judgments. We want to share his story so they understand. But the reality is
when someone meets Levi he engages them and they are taken by his personality, his soft heart and
gentle spirit. They see beyond the physical and see him for who he is. This is
an area that both Kara and I want to grow in. We need to allow Levi not to be
defined by his disabilities, and not hold him back from the being the amazing
little boy God created him to be.
Do you remember back in 2003 when President Bush landed on
the aircraft carrier with the sign "Mission Accomplished"? At the time the USA
felt the job was done, only to realize that things had just begun. Not knowing
that the battle they had stepped into was bigger than they thought. I would not
say that when we left the hospital one year ago that we felt that the job was
done, but looking back on what this year has brought I can say that the battle
has been bigger than we thought.
-Dan
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