We are at a place right now as we are within 18 hours of the surgery where we can choose to worry or to hope. Yeah we are scared. We have no clue as to what the outcome of tomorrow will be. I look at my amazing son napping right now and wonder will I get him back?I say that and mean several things. There are the many risk in going under the knife, or I should say the saw. He may not make it. He may make it but only through major complications. Or he may come back completely new. I mean the little guy has had this thing in his head for a while and probably been living with a head ache for some time. To be free from that can change anybody...we just don't know what the outcome will be. So we choose to hope. We hope in the One who gives us reason to hope. We lean on the One who carries us through our trials. His grace is sufficient for us for His power is made perfect in our weakness.
As I have wrestled with God trying to comprehend all that has passed this last week I have come to realize that even my own child is not my own. Each of us is created with a purpose. A purpose that is so much greater then ourselves. Because of that I cannot choose how God will use my child for his purposes. I do believe that God has a purpose in what is happening right now. This is no accident, this did not take the Creator by surprise. While in our limited scope this floored us, in God's grand view of things this is all part of the process of showing Himself to the world. If God's whole purpose in this is to show off His church and his miraculous power, then I am okay with that. My life is not my own, Levi's life is not his own. He is a gift and I welcome that gift, but I must surrender that gift because ultimately, as we have seen, we have not control of what happens in our child's life. We can protect them from every bump and bruise, but this golf ball in his head will still show it's ugly face. We have no control.
And so we choose to hope instead of worry. We trust instead of have fear. Yes we are scared and will be scared for the next 36+ hours. But we surrender those fears and we hope, we trust, we live out the faith that we profess. I have told a few that I do not know if I have the faith to believe in God's ability to be bigger then all this. But my faith is growing and as I profess my fears and move forward in hope I can see the bigness of God and I lean on him, letting Him carry me in my weakness, because that is where his power is made perfect. For scripture tells us "Now faith is being sure of what we home for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1
I do not profess to be a man of great faith, but right now I am choosing to believe and choosing not to worry. Yeah I am scared but my God is much bigger and He's got this.
This is SUCH a scary time, but you are right - this did not surprise God. He does have Levi, you, and your entire family in His hands. But it is still terrifying from a human perspective. We are praying for you guys just like many, many others are.
ReplyDeleteDan - Just want you to know that you have people across the country praying for your whole family, and we will also choose to be hopeful. You have been blessed with such an amazing and beautiful family and I know God will continue to provide you the strength, courage, and peace you need to get through this time. - The Kennys
ReplyDeleteWe are choosing hope too... and also are reminded of the fact that Levi is being held in some big and loving arms... and that God's powerful might will be with him through the entire surgery. Bless you all as you prepare for this. We are all behind you and with you on this.
ReplyDeleteLove you guys... the Dillons
Our prayers are with you and our hearts ache for you tonight as you prepare for your precious little boy's surgery tomorrow. We walked in your shoes 25 years ago as our 6 year old daughter went in to surgery for removal of a tumor. We felt the strength and support of our family, friends, church family and beyond that, many Christian brother and sisters we had never met that lifted us up in prayer. By the grace of God and the amazing skills he blessed our doctors with, our daughter continues to bless our lives and is a beautiful young wife and mother of three of the most amazing and adorable granddaughters we could every have imagined. We are praying for Levi. We are praying for the doctors who will perform his surgery tomorrow. We are praying for the peace that only God can provide to you, his parents, as you await the outcome tomorrow. We will be anxiously awaiting news from your family in the coming days.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me, but my cousin posted a link to your blog on her facebook wall and I have been praying every since! I can't imagine how hard it must be to watch your little boy go through this, yet, like you said, God is bigger and He's got this. Know that people in Pennsylvania are praying for each of you... praying for rest and peace in the midst of the turmoil.
ReplyDelete"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
Dan, your choice to hope, to believe, means you are most certainly a man of great faith. And your wife is a woman of great faith. Your words are so BRIGHT with His love...you're makin' many squint. :) Praying for you all, especially Levi. --hj
ReplyDeleteyou don't know me but my friend passed on your blog for us to pray. We are praying here in PA! Keep looking up for HE is in control!
ReplyDeleteI am amazed at what faith can do. I have seen prayer heal in my own life and know that the Lord listens. He can hear all of us loud and clear as we pray for Levi and you and Kara. I choose hope with you!
ReplyDelete-Whitney Ewing Kahn
Dan, the way you pour out your heart and soul in this post is really indescribable. We are all with you and Kara, on our knees in prayer for little Levi, for Dr. Levy, for the nurses, and for you. What you said is so true... our children are not our own but they ultimately belong to God. God has this little guy in the palm of His hand. We love you!
ReplyDeleteYou are all in our prayers, Dan! We send our faith and guardian angels to watch over you in the coming hours and days. With much love, The Gaines Family
ReplyDeleteDan & Kara, Amen to your words...God is amazing and it's His will and not ours but he is a God of Grace and Love so I know that He sees and knows your hearts and for that he will work His magic and Levi will be healthy God will be in the surgery room tomorrow watching over Levi and removing the tumor that is causing so much pain and sorrow in his life and your life...I have faith Levi will be one of God's miracles and will be OK, our prayers are with you guys!!! GOD BLESS!!!
ReplyDelete-Laura & Erik Bianchi
What you are about to endure is so hard for you both. I will be praying all day for little Levi. Love you guys!
ReplyDeleteYour sister in Christ,
Ann-Marie
(Ephesians 3:16-21)
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Dan & Kara--
ReplyDeleteJulie Dixon is my cousin and passed your journey on to us on Facebook. Please be assured of our prayers that you will be held (by God Himself and those praying for you) and that you will KNOW that you and Levi are kept completely in His hands and under His wings.
In His hand
There's only safety
Nothing there can touch you except Him
Bring your burdens
And all your failures
Lay them down and rest here
In His hand
Praying for that rest and peace that God gives to His beloved--
Janet Murray Purchase
P.S. I live in Moreno Valley, near Riverside.
I wanted to post the link to an amazing band called Gungor, if you haven't heard of them, they are amazing. This song spoke to me and I wanted to share it with you... the Lord will be your strength... prayers with you.
ReplyDeletehttp://youtu.be/5VI0pkRBPZw
Dan-Honest and sincere. You always have been. Thank you for sharing your heart and encouraging others when you are the one who needs encouraging.
ReplyDeleteWe didn't realize how deeply we could ache for someone else's child as if they were our own. Sweet Levi is in our prayers tonight and throughout the weekend.
Love you guys! (Brian and Julie)
Praying for your precious family. Each day I read your thoughts and prayers I am humbled by your faith and your sacrificial love for your Levi. Hugs. Love you guys.
ReplyDelete~Kelly Arreola
Picked up your blog and prayer request through Dixon's request for prayer on FB. We will be praying here in PA for your sweet Levi- your pictures show so much of his personality and life. Praying for great peace tomorrow and this weekend- and skill for the surgeon and his care team.
ReplyDeleteDan, Your dad just phoned to tell me of Levi's situation. Your theology is good. All of life is a gracious gift from Our Loving God. We don't deserve it nor do we have any rights to it. It becomes more precious when we see how suddenly it can be in jeopardy. I will join the dozens or hundreds who are praying for God's continuing grace in your dear family. I love you all. (Uncle)Dick
ReplyDeleteI love that you got time to hold him today, that was the sweetest part of your day I am sure... so good to hear your voice tonight, call me tomorrow if you need anything, we will be praying ALL day. I love you guys, A
ReplyDeleteAgreeing in faith, choosing hope with you for a miracle for Levi...
ReplyDeleteAs I read your post (that a friend shared with me) it was a good reminder to me that my children are a gift from God and that they are His . . . that we should be asking God's will to be done in our children's lives each day.
ReplyDeleteAs I was praying for Levi and your family this song came to mind, so I thought I would share it.
Lyrics to My Hope Is You by Third Day :
To you, O Lord, I lift my soul
In you, O God, I place my trust
Do not let me be put to shame
Nor let my enemies triumph over me
My hope is you
Show me your ways
Guide me in Truth
In all my days
My hope is you
I am, O Lord, filled with your love
You are, O God, my salvation
Guard my life and rescue me
My broken spirit shouts
My mended heart cries out...
God, you are our Hope, Protector, Healer, Savior, Encourager and Power Source!
Joining your family in prayer from Illinois,
LeAnn Baker
There's no doubt you are right where God wants you to be. I loved every word! And reading it I can't tell you how thankful I am that God blessed Kara with a husband like you (and you're pretty lucky too!) A good friend of mine said one time, when faced with a tragedy something to the effect of "it's time like these we can choose to be angry at God or we can choose to run to him and even though we are angry, we still run to him". I've been dwelling recently on the verse in 1 Corinthians 13 that says "now we see through a glass darkly, but then we will see face to face".
ReplyDeleteWe will all be praying and interceding ALL day for Levi, and all of you too.
-Corrina
Reading your blog is so inspirational! We are behind you guys 100% in prayer! Our God is awesome and can work miracles! Sending lots of prayers and love Levi's way!
ReplyDeleteAwesome post, Dan! Elliot and I are inspired and encouraged by you and Kara's faith and surrender during this time. We have been praying for you guys all week and will continue to through the weekend (and beyond). We love you guys and see God working in and through you in big ways. Hugs from The Coupes!
ReplyDeleteDan and Kara,
ReplyDeleteWe just got word..so glad for this blog to stay connected and know how to pray. We will be praying all day tomorrow - praying for peace that surpasses ALL understanding. Our hearts are aching with you.
Love,
Brian and Erica Ganyo
praying with you tonight. trusting and putting our hope in Christ. love.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to your family, I can only imagine what you are going through. I have just spent the last 22 days at the hospital with my mother in law. Most of which was in ICU....the only thing I can say is Lean not on your own understanding, although that is easier said than done. I wish you all the very best. I will be praying. God Bless you...
ReplyDeleteI had a friend send me your blog and she asked for prayer for Levi. I don't know you, but somehow as I read the story the tears rolled down my face. I am a cancer survivor and I know that God takes you through trials and tribulations. 11Timothy 1:7 states that God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power & love and a sound mind. By his stripes we are healed. t's through the storms of life that he wants our attention lean on him through this difficult time and know that he has you under the shadow of his wing. Praying...
ReplyDeletePraying this morning!
ReplyDeleteMax Wyatt
Kara and Dan, our thoughts are with you today as it has been the past few days. We pray for your family especially little Levi.
ReplyDeleteHillarie and Tom
Hi, you don't me either but I'm Julie Dixon's sister Heather. We have added you to our prayer list and will keep you and little Levi lifted up before our awesome God.
ReplyDeleteyou guys are touching hearts with your faith beyond what you know- you are all in my prayers & little Levi is in God's hands.
ReplyDeleteDear Dan and Kara, Folks around the world from ICF are praying for you and precious Levi and Kade too. Yes, His grace is sufficient for even this intense trial. The surgeons must be operating about now may the great healer guide their hands with delicate skill. Praying for you all, that He buoy you up when the storms create doubt and fear.
ReplyDeleteLove you- Miriam Maneevone
Dan and Kara- Hi, it's Sharilyn (my son J.J. was in Kade's class at church and he always says you and I look alike, Kara). When I first heard about Levi I was stunned. And now, after reading all of your heartfelt blogs, looking at those precious pictures of Levi in his hospital bed..... I'm taken back to when my now 6 1/2 year old son choked on almonds when he was 2yrs old and had to have surgery to have them sucked out of his little lungs. It is so difficult seeing your helpless little guy laying there in a hospital bed, so helpless. So I can't IMAGINE what you two are going through with little Levi's condition. I am SO THANKFUL that, through our heavy hearts and sympathetic tears, we are able to lift Levi up to God and thank Him for holding Levi in His hands. I am praying for Levi's healing, and also for God's strength and peace to continue to lift you two up, and comfort you, as you continue to comfort your son. Thank you, God, for the amazing doctors whose hands You guide to heal Levi. Praying for you all.
ReplyDeleteLove, Sharilyn