Thursday, August 11, 2011
A Guest Post From Dan
We are at a place right now as we are within 18 hours of the surgery where we can choose to worry or to hope. Yeah we are scared. We have no clue as to what the outcome of tomorrow will be. I look at my amazing son napping right now and wonder will I get him back?I say that and mean several things. There are the many risk in going under the knife, or I should say the saw. He may not make it. He may make it but only through major complications. Or he may come back completely new. I mean the little guy has had this thing in his head for a while and probably been living with a head ache for some time. To be free from that can change anybody...we just don't know what the outcome will be. So we choose to hope. We hope in the One who gives us reason to hope. We lean on the One who carries us through our trials. His grace is sufficient for us for His power is made perfect in our weakness.
As I have wrestled with God trying to comprehend all that has passed this last week I have come to realize that even my own child is not my own. Each of us is created with a purpose. A purpose that is so much greater then ourselves. Because of that I cannot choose how God will use my child for his purposes. I do believe that God has a purpose in what is happening right now. This is no accident, this did not take the Creator by surprise. While in our limited scope this floored us, in God's grand view of things this is all part of the process of showing Himself to the world. If God's whole purpose in this is to show off His church and his miraculous power, then I am okay with that. My life is not my own, Levi's life is not his own. He is a gift and I welcome that gift, but I must surrender that gift because ultimately, as we have seen, we have not control of what happens in our child's life. We can protect them from every bump and bruise, but this golf ball in his head will still show it's ugly face. We have no control.
And so we choose to hope instead of worry. We trust instead of have fear. Yes we are scared and will be scared for the next 36+ hours. But we surrender those fears and we hope, we trust, we live out the faith that we profess. I have told a few that I do not know if I have the faith to believe in God's ability to be bigger then all this. But my faith is growing and as I profess my fears and move forward in hope I can see the bigness of God and I lean on him, letting Him carry me in my weakness, because that is where his power is made perfect. For scripture tells us "Now faith is being sure of what we home for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1
I do not profess to be a man of great faith, but right now I am choosing to believe and choosing not to worry. Yeah I am scared but my God is much bigger and He's got this.